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Part XI: 1969- Back to the Garden
"I know!" Tony staggered to his feet (one of his heels had been cracked in the police violence; lovely) and proceeded to waddle over toward not-Micah and his friend, "The anti-protest girl and her friend who told me I was sacrificing my masculinity."
Benjy looked Tony over, "I mean, can you blame him?"
"Well, no, but still, it was hardly pleasant conversation."
***
Bobby sighed, "Sure, Cap, go ahead," he nodded to one of the others to indicate the Captain could pass.
-Tony, Benjy, and Bobby
"Hey, just cause you dress like that, doesn't mean you ain't masculine," Shaggy said, looking the kid over, "Hell, you have to be secure to dress that fabulous, dude!"
***
James nodded, as he walked past the guards, into the holding room.
It didn't take long to find him. He was talking to a young kid, dressed like...he didn't even know what.
"Hello, Norville."
Shaggy turned around, and chuckled, "Why James! Home rom Vietnam! When did you get back?"
James shook his head, "Two days ago."
Maybe he was queer. Maybe he was a long-haired, dope smoking hippie. But he was still his little brother.
"Oh, thanks, that's very sweet," said Tony automatically, "But, yeah, besides that point, she was there to, like, protest the...I don't really know what this was."
"It was a music festival," said Benjy flatly, "It said on the sign."
"Yeah, I got kinda turned around."
"You weren't kidding about being lost," he sighed, "Did Joanie get away, at least?"
"Oh, guy, I have no idea. I was on another planet after I got a whiff of that stuff. But she's not here, so..."
"No," Joanie pressed out between a few others, "Here I am."
"Jesus, Joan," he sighed, "They threw a girl in with us?"
"Well, I kinda think they're full anywhere, so the Victorian niceties were dispensed with," she sighed, "My sister is going to roast me alive."
-Tony, Benjy, and Joanie
"Did you get the permits?" asked James.
"What do you think?" Shaggy shook his head, "I filled them out a month prior to the show!"
James nodded, "Glad you learned your lesson."
That brought a chuckle between the two of them.
"I'm glad you're home safe, James."
"Me too, brother. Me too," James sighed and asked, "Did they say what charges were being filed? And..."
He waved in the direction of the...boy, "What the hell is this? Why is there a kid in here?"
Shaggy clicked his tongue, and said, "He was at the festival. I don't know who he is."
"Okay, so that's judgmental, first of all," said Tony, "Second of all, if I'm a kid, who are all these people?" he gestured to the crowd, figuring the average age must've evened out to 22.
***
"Can I see my sister?"
"For the last time, ma'am," Bobby began with a sigh, "No can do."
"You let Teague in to see his brother!" Lettie gestured, "Oh, but of course, you are obliged to take care of your own..."
"Miss Higgs..."
"Don't 'Miss Higgs' me, Bobby," Lettie rolled her eyes, leaning against the desk, "Look, you know she didn't do anything wrong."
"Look, I know your friend Agnes..."
"Ha."
"...thinks she was just putting a stop to some dope fiends and long-hair music enthusiasts, but we don't break out the tear gas for nothing."
"That's another 'Ha'. You're doing great."
"Lettie, we got a bomb threat."
She stopped short, "...huh?"
"Someone called it in this morning. Said there was gonna be a bombing at the festival," he shrugged, "Look, it'll be all over town by tonight. Which is also the earliest Joan's getting out."
"You think Joan is a bomber?"
"I can't let people go just because I knew them in school, Lettie!"
"No, but you can let Captain James 'Commie Killer' Teague in to chat with his brother in return for his excellent service gassing children and raping mothers. Yes, I understand perfectly."
"You know, this whole 'Lady Agitator' thing was cuter when you were 14 and petitioning to bring the Beatles to town."
"You want me to slap you, Bobby?"
"You want me to throw you in a cell?"
"As if you had the room."
"Lettie..."
"Forget it," she shook her head, stepping back, "But I am not going anywhere until Joanie gets out."
"Fine," he lifted his hands in defeat, "You want a coffee?"
She flipped him off in response. He rolled his eyes and returned to work.
-Tony, Bobby, and Lettie
"Kid, by my standards, anyone under 20 is a kid," James chuckled, "What's your name?"
"Tony," he said at last, "But I don't see how that's any of your business."
That was the kind of thing people said in period dramas to show they were over their shit. Of course, those periods were usually considerably further back than this one, but still.
"Careful," Joanie warned, "This one's a bigshot."
-Tony and Joanie
"I wouldn't say that," James replied, shaking his head, before he looked back at the kid. He was a curiosity, to be sure. Was that what kids these days were wearing?
He'd been gone too long. That had to be it.
James looked back to Shaggy, and said, "I'll get you out, soon as I can. I promise."
"No."
James frowned, "Why not?"
Shaggy looked him right in the eyes, "You know why."
James clicked his tongue and asked, "You're that dedicated, huh?"
"Almost as much as you are."
Benjy, wearing the expression of one who was actively choosing to hold his tongue, tapped his foot against the floor.
"I don't get it," Tony whispered to nobody in particular.
"Oh, it's politics, there's nothing to get," said Joanie, "God, if Lettie ever gets a foot in here I'll be dead. I don't know who I'm kidding."
This, further, seemed more like a thought spoken aloud than a point of conversation, so Tony didn't say anything to it.
-Benjy, Tony, and Joanie
James sighed, and said, "Be seeing you, Norville."
"Be seeing you, James," Shaggy replied.
There was a ponderous silence before Benjy declared, "Well, doubt we'll ever be seeing him again."
"Ben!" Joanie reprimanded.
"Black comedy. Slap me later."
"There isn't enough room," she leaned against the wall. Benjy turned to Shaggy, looking mildly sympathetic, "He still thinks you're some kind of degenerate hippie?"
"Oh, I get it!" exclaimed Tony, probably not appropriately, "Vietnam. Right, I forgot about that."
-Benjy, Joanie, and Tony
"No, I'm pretty sure he thinks you're the degenerate hippie," Shaggy said with a straight face, "And that I'm going through a phase."
Ironic though. When he had told James he preferred guys, he'd just pulled him into a big hug. Told him that he loved him, and didn't care about that.
"I'm not a fucking hippie!" Benjy cried, not sounding particularly peace-loving, "Jesus Christ, does he think anybody with long hair and a guitar is...whatever," he folded his arms, "He's got a mind narrow as a nun's..."
"Benjamin," said Joanie.
"I'll put a nickel in the swear jar, once I find some nickels."
Tony looked uncomfortably around the cell, turning to Joanie, "Are you a hippie?"
"Lettie's the hippie," she smirked, "I just like music."
"Well, what's wrong with hippies anyway?" he shrugged.
"I repeat," said Benjy, "Not. A. Hippie. I'm a rock star."
"Up and coming," noted Joanie.
"People have to get a fucking clue," Benjy continued, surly, "But, of course, we all look the same to the likes of him," he nodded toward the bars as if to indicate Shaggy's brother, "Nuance isn't allowed in his profession."
-Tony, Benjy, and Joanie
James opened his mouth to start, Shaggy shook his head, "Go home, James."
He looked like he wanted to say more to Bengy. That nuance WAS in fact apart of his profession and in fact encouraged.
Instead he turned, and left the room.
"It ain't your family, man." Shaggy said, frowning, looking back at Bengy.
"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?" Benjy rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall. He seemed to become extra aware of the fact that Tony was there, "Kid, are you just gonna hang around there?"
"Well, I was arrested five steps from you, and I'm not very good at introductions, so..."
"What about you?" Joanie asked.
"What about me?"
"Well, Lettie sent you after me, which means you're her friend or something."
"Oh, I only just met her today," Tony figured there was no point lying, considering Lettie could easily prove him wrong, "She thought you were in trouble," he looked around the cell, "Which I guess..."
"Right," Joan sighed, "Well, at least she cares."
"So..." Tony looked between them, "You guys are, um, together? Like, in secret?"
"We met a few days ago," Joanie brightened up, "Things sort of snowballed."
Benjy almost smiled, "'Tween you and me, guy, I think she likes keeping me a secret."
"Oh, stop," she settled down against the wall, "Well, anyway, it isn't super serious."
"Keep it, sister. How many girls do you think I've been arrested with before?"
-Benjy, Tony, and Joanie
"Been arrested with? Just you," Shaggy answered smirking, "Or are we talking about something else?"
Federico "Fucker" Federale sauntered in to the police station smoking three doobies and with a girl in each arm, looking like he had a fucking problem.
And he did!
The poor sap at the front desk would take the brunt of it. "Hey, hey, hey, PORKROAST!" Federico called out, his signature twitch kicking in. "Oink, oink, oink! You lend my friends to the fucking feds yet? If the CIA is here, tell 'em Federico 'Fucker' Federale sends his regards!" In this moment, he unhanded his women, pulled down his pants, turn his ass to the cop, mooned him thoroughly, and pulled his pants back up. "Ain't that something, huh, Porky, huh?" He then sang a lyric from a famous doo-wop song in manic fashion. "'There's a moon out toooooooniiiiiiiiiight. UH UH UHHHHHH!" Just as quickly as he began singing, Federale picked up where he left off. "Yeah, yeah, really somethin', huh, pig, huh? Oink, haha, oink, hahaHA, oink? Can I see my friends now?"
The last question was remarkably tame compared to everything else but such was the way of Federico "Fucker" Federale.
"...I'm sorry, who are you?" asked Bobby blankly, "If you're here for drug testing, the lab's downstairs."
-Bobby
"I told youuuuuuuuuuuuu," Federico leaned against the desk. "My naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame is Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffederico 'Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffucker' Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffederale and I'm herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre to seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee my ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeends. Comprende, el cerdo?" He snickered for ten seconds. "That's 'pig' in Spanish. I'm not actually Spanish but THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" The maniac slammed the desk with his fist, offended for some reason.
Bobby winced despite himself, trying not to crack.
"Sorry, pal, no can do," he said at last, "No one gets in or out of there until everyone's been questioned. Excepting legal representation, of course, but something tells me you're nobody's public defender."
"He's half-lying," Lettie emerged, having gotten a cup of coffee from somewhere that wasn't Bobby himself, "If you're a strapping, village gassing, child orphaning career officer, you can come in and go as easy as you please."
"Wait, Lettie!" Bobby blurted despite himself, "Don't engage him..."
Too late, of course.
-Bobby and Lettie
Federico twitched in the direction of the smoking babe. "Oh, is that how it is, huh, that really how it is? Professional bias, that it, boy scout?" He returned his glance to the cop. "Well, what if I told you, okay, are you listening to this...what if I told you I was actually an officer? OK? You got that? Get this: I am Officer Nunya."
"Nunya?" Bobby echoed exasperatedly.
-Bobby
"Yeah, Officer NUNYA CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO! OCCUPY HIM, LADIES!" Federico stormed ahead as his two plus-ones swarmed the officer.
"What's your name, officer?" said one, caressing his badge.
"Wow, you're young. Fresh out of the academy?" said the other, taking his hat and putting it on her head.
"Fresh outta high school, by the looks of it. What'sa matter, honey? You drop out? Feel the need to tell a buncha kids your age what to do?"
"Tell me and I'll listen. Believe it."
***
Federico entered the cell area with such insane dominance, his bodily movements could barely repress the energy they were holding, and were exaggerated with each step. "Benjy, Benjy, Benjy and the Blackbirds. Hey, hey, hey, I've got a question: Doth anybody know why the caged bird sings? Doth ya, Benjy? Doth ya, huh, huh?"
-Federico and Babes
"Wha-what is...now, you two step off..." Bobby almost appeared pitiable under the attentions of the unhinged visitor's lady assistants. Lettie almost felt bad.
Almost.
"You know what, Bob, I think this could be great therapy for you," she started past the desk.
"Wait, wait, Lettie...Lettie for God's sake!"
"I'll tell Joanie you said hi!"
"Lettie do you want me to lose my...give me my hat back, won't ya?" his attention was diverted back to "Officer Nunya's" concubines, "Come on."
***
"Wow, you sure do attract all kinds," commented Tony. Benjy gave him an exasperated look before turning even more exasperated eyes to the bars, "Fucker, you slippery son of a bitch. You know, I should probably be pissed at you for missing rehearsals this morning, but if it kept your ass out of this cell, I guess I have to give you credit."
"This must be the famous Federico!" Joanie came forward, "Benjy told me all about you. To be honest, I was kinda confused why the bass player was never at any rehearsals, but..."
"Joan!" Lettie came hurrying along the passage, her face lighting up with relief at the sight of her sister. Joanie immediately reddened like a child caught stealing, "Wow, they're just letting everybody in, huh?"
"Oh, hush. I took advantage of this one's...aura of menace. What are you doing, Joan? I told you to stick close to me for this very reason. But no, you have to go wherever you want, and then the cops show up, like they always do, and I end up on this side of the bars, because I know what I'm doing, and you end up on that side because you..."
"Well, okay, Lettie, this is the first time I've been arrested, so let's be rational about this."
Tony waved, "Hi, again."
"Oh, Tone, right?"
"Tony."
"I like Tone, is that okay?"
Tony smiled despite himself, "No one's ever called me Tone before. Makes me sound really sexy."
"Well, you make of that what you will. Sorry if you got nabbed on my account. I'll owe you a cream soda, or whatever boys your size are into."
"He's very loyal to you Lettie," said Joanie, "Wouldn't leave my side once he found me."
"Well, except for when they broke out the tear gas, but I was surprised."
"That's pretty decent of you," Lettie smiled and Tony tried not to make this weird, but it was getting harder by the minute, "Look, I don't want to tip anybody's hand here, but Bobby..."
"Oh, Bobby," Joanie looked at her sister knowingly. Lettie narrowed her eyes, "Bobby pretty much admitted this raid was bigger than Anal Agnes."
"Girl," Tony beamed, "Really?"
Lettie went on, "Somebody around here is in pretty goddamn big trouble. Which, Joan, is why I was worried about you coming to this thing in the first place."
"Well, they're obviously not all bad types."
"Obviously not, Joanie, but you have to know where to draw a line and who to mess with and who not to..."
"Hey, we haven't met," Benjy leaned in, "Name's Benjy. Frontman for Benjy and the Blackbirds."
Lettie gave him a look, "That's cute, man, but I'd sooner douche with bleach."
"Well, it's a good thing I wasn't offering. Fact is, I was..." but he seemed to realize Joanie was giving him a look, and he desisted, looking none too pleased. Luckily for Joan, Lettie had long since stopped paying attention to Benjy.
"I'm not sure when I'll be able to get you out of here," she turned back to her sister, "But with any luck, it'll be before Mom and Dad get back from Encino. Just try and stay out of trouble, okay?"
"You know, Lettie, you're really funny sometimes."
-Bobby, Lettie, Joanie, Tony, and Benjy
"Well, you know I'm a busy man, Benjamin," Federico licked his lips (for a moment, holding his three doobies), pacing from cell to cell, as if he were getting his bearings. "And if ya ask me, this get-together wreaked of 'fed' from the start. When ya know, ya know, y'know what I mean? Huh, huh?" Bobbing his head, he looked around the cell. "Can't see what they charged ya with other than bein' high and handsome. How long they plan to pin ya wings, Benjy, hm?" Then, as if just noticing the drummer, "Hey, Shags. How ya doin'. Here, take some money. Nyahhhhh..." He threw some dollars bills at Shaggy, since he was in a generous mood, of course.
"Freddy, my man!" Shaggy walked over to Freddy, smile on his face, "Got enough of those to share?"
"Well, I can tell you fellas what they think is going on," said Lettie, "You're probably gonna be here a while, so I figure you ought to know..." she turned to Joanie, "There was a bomb threat at the festival. I don't know if they found anything, but someone called it in."
The color drained from Joanie's face, "And they think whoever did it..." she looked around the cell, "They locked us with the bomber?"
"Just keep your head down, honey, if you can," said Lettie, turning to Tony, "And you...thanks for helping me. Look me up when you get out."
"Believe me, I'm not likely to forget you."
"If you didn't read as so queer, I'd think you were hitting on me," said Lettie, "Lucky you."
Tony did not need the visceral images this comment conjured.
"Listen, Rico," Benjy appealed to his bandmate, having absorbed what he could from Lettie's revelation, "I know this is may seem like a high order for you, but you're gonna have to keep your head down until we can get out of here. Are you physically capable of that, or should I develop spontaneous amnesia for you specifically?"
-Tony, Lettie, Joanie, and Benjy
"For the last time, Shaggy, it's Fucker to my friends, Motherfucker to my enemies, and Fed to people who want a bloody nose, alright? Gah!" Federico threw Shaggy a doobie, turning his attention to the bandleader. "And what about you, baby-Benjy-boy? You tellin' me you're gonna use your one call for a lawyer and just 'bide your time'? That what you're gonna, is that it, is that it?!" He violently slammed the bars, disappointed in the lead songbird.
"Well, seeing as I don't have a lawyer, I was hoping to just twiddle my thumbs until they let me out of here, which they're bound to do once they discover which local lunatic tried to blow up the rock festival. Really, I'm relieved. It was much worse when I thought they'd hauled me in for smelling vaguely of mustard and cress. Unless, of course, you have a prettier idea?"
-Benjy
"Y'know me, Benjy." Federico snickered maniacally. "Contrary to the man, okay, my ideas ain't never that goodlooking! HAHAHAHAHA!" He took a big inhale on his multi-blunt setup before throwing them to the ground. "Nuff of this. I gotta go back to my day job, make that alla that scratch." He backpedaled, first rubbing his fingertips before ominously waving his hands. "For now, I'll leave you behind with the MASS BOMBER! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Moaning like a ghost, Federico left lockup as bombastically as he entered.